


Ace Garfield 04: Shattered Lasagna

by Jack Link (Thunderchin)



Category: Ace Combat, Garfield - All Media Types
Genre: Ace Combat - Freeform, Dogfight - Freeform, Multi, garfield - Freeform, lasagna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2019-02-27 20:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderchin/pseuds/Jack%20Link
Summary: Garfield helps the ISAF destroy Stonehenge and defeat invading Erusian army. Inspired by ShakespeareHemmingway fics of Garfield the manly awesome hero.





	Ace Garfield 04: Shattered Lasagna

Ace Garfield 04: Shattered Lasagna

Authors Note: I play Ace Combat series and it is really really amazing! I find it badass awesome of flight combat series. I hope you find this story badass awesome of flight combat as well.

Garfield was relaxing bench pressing semi trucks for easy warmup when Jon Arbuckle entered gym with panicking.

"Garfield, it is horrible! Erusian army is taking Stonehenge and attacking countries!" Jon Arbuckle whined with crying.

"What is concern? Stop your sobbing over pitiful attacks." said Garfield with manliness as he continued his warmup with exercise.

"But Garfield! ISAF has fallen back to North Point! They no longer have any way to make lasagna!" Jon Arbuckle said with relaying of sitrep.

"WHAT?!" roared Garfield with outrage. "This cannot be! Erusea was army of wet noodle and paper, but now they are making food of Vikings and astronauts."

"It is true, Garfield." said Jon Arbuckle with sadness as he turned on flat screen for news watching.

"HAHAHA." said President of Erusea with evilness. "Now my army has lasagna of greatness. Where is your Garfield now, ISAF?!"

"This is travesties." said Garfield with simmering.

"What will do, Garfield?" asked Jon Arbuckle with curious.

"I will do what any man must do." said Garfield with answering. "I will not let Erusea eat lasagna. They must eat words instead."

Garfield strapped Pooky into backseat of lasagna painted F-15 STOL/MTD for bomber interception. Garfield then did fly his F-15 STOL/MTD screaming into sky with both of its Pratt&Whitney F100 turbofan jet engines on full afterburner, and soared over oceans and oceans until he reached Newfield Island for dog fighting action.

"Time to be putting an end to this flying circus." said Garfield with inquisition as he entered combat zone with nobody expecting.

"Oh no! Is Garfield!" said Tu-95 "Bear" bomber pilot with screaming.

"We will handle Garfield like pussy cat he is." said fighter escort MiG-29 "Fulcrum" pilot with bravado as he turned towards Garfield with shootdown intentions.

The roar of Garfield eclipsed the roar of engines as Garfield and fighter escort MiG-29 "Fulcrum" pilot charged upon one another at full afterburner. Fighter escort MiG-29 "Fulcrum" pilot attempted to eliminate his prey with his MiG-29 "Fulcrum"'s GSh-30-1 autocannon, and Garfield responded in kind with his F-15 STOL/MTD's M61 Vulcan. A considerable font of sparks and flames sprayed forth from the F-15 STOL/MTD right wing root as the M61 Vulcan spooled up and showered the skies with a flurry of 20mm explosive rounds. Garfield smiled as the rounds landed on the target MiG-29 "Fulcrum", sending the viscera of oil and shrapnel awash over the canopy of his F-15 STOL/MTD in a beautiful display of aircraft metal carnage.

Garfield flew to bomber formation where Tu-95 "Bear" bombers were. "Time for a game of disappearing bears." said Garfield with missile firing. The AIM-9X "Sidewinder" missiles ignited their engines, and accelerated at 25g away from the F-15 STOL/MTD's underwing hardpoints towards the Tu-95 "Bear" bombers. The AIM-9X "Sidewinder" missiles hit the six Tu-95 "Bear" bombers, sending them all plunging into the ocean below.

"GARFIELD YOU ARE TOO MANLY FOR US MERE BOMBERS." said Tu-95 "Bear" bomber pilot as his wrecked Tu-95 "Bear" bomber fell into ocean for explosion.

"Come back when you're loaded for bear." Quipped Garfield with aerobatics as he landed his F-15 STOL/MTD at Allenfort Air Force Base on Newfield Island. Ground crews came on plane with excitement as new manly force had ensured fate of ISAF. Garfield stepped from his F-15 STOL/MTD as news reporters thronged to striped orange muscular cat.

"Plane is getting refueled. I should get refueled as well." quipped Garfield with hungry as he strode to mess hall for nomming. "Give me bountiful feast of your finest lasagna." ordered Garfield with lip licking to mess sergeant.

"I am apologies, Garfield. Erusea takes all lasagna and feed it to Yellow Squadron." replied mess sergeant with weeping.

"THIS IS BULLSHIT." replied Garfield with anger brewing. "Where do find Yellow Squadron?"

"I do not know, ask AWACS SkyEye he knows radar." suggested mess sergeant with good ideas.

Garfield went to hangar where Boeing E-767 AWACS planes were. "Garfield it is good visit. I want to brief you." said AWACS SkyEye with seriousness.

"Tell me where is Yellow Squadron. I need to shoot them down and eat their lasagna." replied Garfield with wanting.

"Yellow Squadron is in Erusea, but lasagna shipment is headed to Comberth Harbor. Lasagna feeding of 'Invincible' Aegir Fleet means doom to ISAF." replied AWACS SkyEye with grim predictions.

"Then let us take back lasagna and nom upon food of warriors and kings." roared Garfield with enthusiasm.

"Garfield be careful. Radar jammers cover Erusian transport planes to guard the lasagna." cautioned AWACS SkyEye with warning.

"I do not need radar, my nose is a lasagna-seeking missile." replied Garfield with fact.

Garfield strapped into his F-15 STOL/MTD and lifted off for takeoff, heading towards Comberth Harbor for mission of lasagna recovery. Boeing E-767 AWACS planes flew with C-17 transport planes and jammed radar for cover, but Garfield did not break chase. "See no evil." quipped Garfield with cleverness as he shot missiles at Boeing E-767 AWACS planes for removing of jammer. The Boeing E-767 AWACS planes disintegrated into roaring fireballs that reminded Garfield of lasagna. "Come with me if you want to live." said Garfield with termination to C-17 transport plane pilots.

"Very well Garfield, we will give all lasagna to ISAF." surrendered the C-17 transport plane pilots as they flew their C-17 transport planes to Allenfort for lasagna delivery.

"You are seeing sense of true ways being good." said Garfield with wise words of the jedi as he eagerly chased lasagna-laden C-17 transport planes.

Garfield landed his F-15 STOL/MTD and greeted AWACS SkyEye for briefing of mission. "Good job Garfield you have taken all lasagna." cheered AWACS SkyEye with tasty.

"I do honorable of manly duties bringing lasagna to brave fighting warrior men and women of ISAF." said Garfield with proud words.

"Mobius Squadron bombed oil rig of fueling Aegir Fleet, but ran from Yellow Squadron like cheap panty hose." lamented AWACS SkyEye with words of sadness fished from witnessing of regret.

"Where is Mobius One, he must be learned true meaning of man." said Garfield with manly piloting.

"Mobius One is in gym stretching from cockpit." said AWACS SkyEye with agreement.

"Then it is time for stretching of this Mobius band." said Garfield with workout pumping as he made way to gym for muscular weight lifting.

Garfield stepped into gym where Mobius One was stretching."You run like mouse from fire. Explain your flying of cowards and babies in wheelchairs." commanded Garfield with grabbing of Mobius One's collar.

Mobius One attempted explanation of unthinkable run away action, but only silence of protagonist came out.

"Speak up." reacted Garfield with ventriloquism as he rammed arm up Mobius One's asshole with puppetry and reached up to Mobius One's mouth for mouth movement.

"I am coward pilot not earn my ace wings," said Mobius One with Garfield assistance.

"That is more like it." said Garfield with reply.

"We will maximum G force train for fighting dog Erusians." said Mobius One with moving lips of the cat paw.

Garfield removed his arm from Mobius One with end of the fisting. "Scramble in F-16 for great fighter training." ordered Garfield with Top Gun instruction.

Garfield and Mobius One scrambled in their F-15 STOL/MTD and F-16C fighters for training of exercise.

"Shoot me down with your guns." commanded Garfield with a Pugachev's Cobra maneuver. Mobius One turned and turned his F-16C but no matter what he did he could not shake off the cat in the F-15 STOL/MTD behind him.

"You fly like crippled chimpanzee." remarked Garfield with superior aircraft.

"You are super maneuverable, I am only maneuverable." compained Mobius One with whining.

"Fine, you pathetic man. Time for your next training." Garfield conceded with lock on. "You must dodge this missile without flares."

Garfield fired an AIM-9X "Sidewinder" at Mobius One. The AIM-9X "Sidewinder" sped at Mobius One with speed of stoner running from cops and accuracy of Michael J. Fox with rifle. Mobius One banked hard right but failed to out-turn the AIM-9X "Sidewinder" and was damaged a bit.

"I cannot do this. I am but nugget." whinged Mobius One with scratches in paint AIM-9X "Sidewinder" had made.

"Practice makes perfect. Now be doing this again!" barked Garfield with missile firing again. Mobius One dodged and came closer to evading missile.

"You are closer to true flying of ace. Now it is time for nutrition." Garfield said with congratulation lasagna. Garfield inverted his F-15 STOL/MTD and flew directly above Mobius One in F-16C for midair refueling stunt. Garfield unbuckled himself and opened canopy for drop onto Mobius One with lasagna in hand. Garfield then did open canopy of Mobius One for midair feeding of lasagna.

"I do not think so, Garfield. I prefer tuna." said Mobius One with disgust.

Garfield's ears quivered with the blasphemous words which crawled through them with profanity effect. "Are you ace or little tiny baby man? Eat the lasagna which will make you ace of aces!" Garfield shoveled lasagna into mouth of Mobius One with gusto of burrowing gopher on golf course.

"You are correct, Garfield. This is delicious lasagna of manliest aviation." said Mobius One with delicious filling.

"This is being more like it. Now for continuation training" said Garfield with super leap back into inverted F-15 STOL/MTD for resuming of training.

Garfield continued Top Gun instructing with Mobius One for hours upon days smash the boundaries of his limitations with missile of educations. One day Garfield took Mobius One to site of Stonehenge where Erusians were shooting down planes of ISAF for superiority of air.

"Go, Mobius One. I will be cover you. Destroy the weapon with maximum obliteration!" boomed Garfield with wingman bravado.

"Very well sir I will take down weapon of terror" replied Mobius One with bomb dropping. Each bomb hit a Stonehenge turret with velocity of rail gun and blew up rail gun turrets with maximum explosion.

"Good job Mobius One!" radioed AWACS SkyEye with congratulation news.

"No so fast, Garfield!" shouted Yellow 13 with exasperation despair. Yellow 13 led Yellow Squadron in Su-37 Terminators for elite flying squadron of Stonehenge defense in aerial assault of maximum Garfield offensive.

Garfield did not shriek or swerve, and knew what to do. He turned his F-15 STOL/MTD to the north town of Saint Ark where Erusea launch cruise missiles at landing troops of ISAF. Yellow Squadron chased and chased Garfield but their Su-37 Terminators could not catch the F-15 STOL/MTD. Guns and missiles streak by Garfield as Garfield flew and maneuver to nuclear cruise missile. "I hope you like mushrooms on a pizza your own medicine" quipped Garfield with flat spinning of F-15 STOL/MTD. He leapt from spinning F-15 STOL/MTD onto nuclear cruise missile with spinning piledriver forcing missile into ground for nuclear detonation. The detonation propelled Garfield through air back into spinning F-15 STOL/MTD for spin recovery escape.

Garfield flew straight away from mushroom cloud as pursuing Yellow Squadron was blown to ash of nuclear fallout death. "CURSE YOU GARFIELD" screamed Yellow 13 with middle fingers of dying.

Garfield returned to Mobius One who was returning from some stuff. "Hey Garfield, while you defeated Yellow Squadron with ultimate nuclear weapon, I liberated city of San Salvacion with glory blaze of champions." said Mobius One with greatness triumph.

"You do well as ace of great skies. Now let us dine on the Lasagna of War Celebrations." said Garfield with landing of F-15 STOL/MTD. There was enough lasagna to feed planets full of armies but Garfield and Mobius One ate and ate the lasagna until it ran out.

Garfield wandered the base with hungry for more lasagna when a blonde woman with blonde hair and yellow striped leather jacket approached Garfield. "Hello, I am Yellow Four" said Yellow Four with excitement greeting.

"This is impossibilities" surprised Garfield with shock. "I kill all of Yellows with explosion of mushroom rocket."

"But I is fake my death" replied Yellow Four with lust perversion. "Entire time I was with Yellow 13 I only dreamt of manly ace Garfield!"

"Very well then" bonered Garfield with visible erection. "It is time to reward your defection to side of greatness and lasagna. I will show you how true pilots fly."

"Before you fly through Megalith tunnels, fire your missile into mine!" begged Yellow Four with wetness panties as Garfield led her to secluded hangar for test flying activities. Garfield put his joystick into Yellow Four's cockpit and moved it back and forth, maneuvering Yellow Four into stratosphere of lovings. Garfield took Yellow Four through many peppy barrel rolls and hard turns, keeping steely control as Yellow Four screamed louder than jet engines throughout the night.

Mobius One walked in with pan of lasagna for Garfield and Yellow Four. "Time for in-flight refueling", Garfield said with placing lasagna on his boom arm. Yellow Four eagerly put mouth on lasagna coated refueling probe for eating of extend range deliciousness.

"Great you are now ready for continue of mission." Garfield embraced Yellow Four with passion of intensity continuing to fly her into all of night.

In morning Yellow Four lay panting in tiredness from flight of fancy in night previous. Her body roared inside with ferocity of Garfield missile. Garfield broke no sweat or fear for today was last mission of Erusea war.

"You have given me shot of your superweapon, now go destroy theirs!" cheered Yellow Four as Garfield climbed into F-15 STOL/MTD for fortress demolitions.

"Do not worry, I will collapse fort of asteroid missiles for future of ISAF." said Garfield as he taxied beside F-22A Raptor of Mobius One for taking off.

Garfield and Mobius One flew their F-15 STOL/MTD and F-22A Raptor to Twinkle Islands for run of gun on last fortress. They flew at top of speed for urgency but were still intercepted by group upon group of Erusian fighters. Garfield and Mobius One fought valiantly shooting down many Erusian in dog fights of ultimate glory but numbers of Erusians and walls of missiles outnumbered them.

Then, from nowhere, "AMAKOOOOOOOOO!" It was Jon Arbuckle, disco dancing on top of his disco pimp painted ADFX-01 Morgan superfighter. Jon Arbuckle flew his surfboard ADFX-01 Morgan at velocities of bullets blasting Glue70 Casin remix of Shake That for music of mega dancing. ADFX-01 Morgan Tactical Laser System fired red laser through air shooting down all of missiles with ease. Jon danced on canopy of ADFX-01 Morgan through barrel roll of mega missile attack unleashing missile swarm like bees from destroyed hive.

"Erusians fire missiles at the wrong neighborhood" quipped Garfield with meme as flaming lasagna disco Jon Arbuckle made it rain Erusian plane parts.

"You know it Garfield!" bounced Jon with flying of disco pimp ADFX-01 Morgan over Megalith fortress. "Now destroy Megalith fortress with fuckaliciousness!"

Garfield flew F-15 STOL/MTD through tunnels of missile port grooves destroying generators with missiles of Garfield lasagna ferocity. Megalith fortress collapsed with powerless stoppage of coming fate of happenings. "Now that is what I am calling a trench run" quipped Garfield with kaboom as he flew F-15 STOL/MTD away from Megalith fortress. Garfield Jon Arbuckle and Mobius One formed up for flight home to ISAF for rejoicing of safety from asteroid missiles. Once at base Garfield went back to hangar to find Yellow Four making out with Kei Nagase!

"I am sorry Garfield but worry for your safety put me on edge" apologized Yellow Four with clinging to wingmate from next game.

"Yellow Four told me about you. I will fly beside you anytime" Kei Nagase said with wink of blatant subtlety.

"We practiced flight without you but is time to join our squadron leader" said Yellow Four with a smooch to Kei Nagase's breasts.

Kei Nagase and Yellow Four dragged Garfield into sortie of bedroom operations. The three of them made passionate lovings all night and day with sounds of love and war eclipsing all other in engagement of maximum intensity.

The end?...

PS: Project ACES please include Garfield's lasagna painted F-15 STOL/MTD and Jon Arbuckle atop disco pimp ADFX-01 Morgan in Ace Combat 7!


End file.
